Okay, if you’re reading this you must be having a problem.

Eventually we are going to add some Frequently Asked Questions to this page and they will look something like this:

Q: My game quits before it even loads.
A. On some of the older iDevices this can be a problem if you haven’t restarted the device recently. The technical reason for this is that your device is getting slower or bogged down with something else and the operating system only gives us a certain amount of time to start our app. If we exceed that amount of time, the operating system kills the app. It didn’t actually crash, it just looks that way. A full shutdown and restart of your iDevice will speed it up and allow our app to load faster, and not trigger the automatic kill by the operating system.

We recommend you completely shut down your device by holding down the power button and the “home” button at the same time until the device prompts you to “slide to power off”, then slide to power it off. Wait about 15 seconds and turn it back on with a nice long press of the power button. 99.9999% of the time this fixes the problem. If it doesn’t, use the contact page to tell us about it.

or a FAQ might look like this:

Q: The Enigma Machine says that everything I type is not a word and yet I am pretty sure that “GEEK” is a word.
A: Yes, “GEEK” is a word which we are quite aware of, for obvious reasons. If The Enigma Machine refuses to think words are words, then your installation of the game may have been corrupted in some way. This has only happened twice that we are aware of. But it is easy to fix. Delete the game by holding your finger on its icon until it wiggles and shows a small “x” in the upper left corner. Touch the small “x” and the system will warn you that you are about to delete the app and all its data. Touch “Delete”, it’s okay, really. Then go to the App Store and choose Search. Look up The Enigma Machine and touch on the price and then touch on “BUY NOW”. Don’t worry, you will not be charged again. After you enter your password your will be told that you already purchased this app and would you like to download it for free. Touch OK and you will now have a nice fresh copy of the game, all ready to be enjoyed! Yea!

Yep, one day we’ll have FAQs just like the ones above... wait, yeah, I guess we already do! Anyway, that calls for one more:

Q: I have a question or problem that wasn’t addressed by any of the brilliantly written FAQs on this page. How can I get help for my problem?
A: Really? Okay, you can use the Contact page to tell us all about your problem (no girlfriend/boyfriend problem questions please, if we could answer those we wouldn’t need to scrape by making games).